Tuesday, May 1, 2012

May 1, 2012- Day 1

May 1, 2012

And so it begins.  This morning, I awoke to the smell of freshly-brewed coffee.  My husband had turned on the coffeemaker, which I had prepared last night at bedtime. The only difference was, this time it only held enough coffee grounds and water to fill a big mug- one big mug, which was his, not mine.  I didn't get any this morning.  And I won't get any tomorrow morning- or the morning after that.  Because today, I began my juice fast.  

I have to admit, normally that smell of coffee would coax me out of the bed and into the kitchen.  But this morning was different.  I had already prepped my mind for not having coffee and oddly enough, I thought the brewing coffee smelled, well, not so pleasant.  Funny, huh?

But I did drag myself out of bed because I knew it was time to begin my adventure- to begin, as I've dubbed it:  "The Journey to Genesis."  Genesis being defined as, "The Beginning."  The idea here is that I hope to be able to help move my body toward "The Beginning- " that place in time where my body was pure and healthy- untainted and uncontaminated.  As close to perfectly pure as I could get it.  My hope is to correct, or at least mitigate, the damage that has been done over my lifetime of unhealthy eating habits.

So, this morning, my journey began at the kitchen counter.  My shiny, new juice extractor awaited.  I had set it up last night.  At first I have to admit, I was kind of excited as I approached it; it's shiny metal gleaming under the kitchen lights.  It almost had an "aura" around it and I swear I could almost hear the Angels choir singing when I walked toward it! I was psyched!!!  (Well, sorta psyched.  Okay, not too psyched, but I was trying to convince myself I was.)   I retrieved the bag of produce which I had designated for my breakfast and also prepared last night, from the fridge.  "Mean Green-"  That should've been the first clue that I'd screwed up.  That's the name of the recipe for this particular glassful of juice.  Yuk.  How can anything named, "Mean Green," taste even mildly pleasant?!

6 leaves of Kale
1 Cucumber
4 (I used 2) stalks of Celery
2 Granny Smith Apples (less sugar than red or yellow)
1/2 Lemon
1-Thumb-sized Ginger Root

What?!  No banana?  No strawberries?  No Melon?   Just green stuff?  My spirit was sinking......fast.  I felt sort of like Charlie Brown, as I said aloud, "Good Grief. " 

At this point I began to curse myself....profusely.  I began to angrily throw the veggies into the juicer, one at a time, swearing the entire time.

Kale leaves!  Bam!

"What the hell was I thinking?"

Celery!  Bam! Bam!

"Why did I brag to everyone that I was going to do this juice fast thing?"

Apples!  Bam!!

"If only I'd kept my big mouth shut, I could be having bacon and eggs......and no-one would know the difference."

But noooo!  That would have been too simple.  As it turns out, the big mouth that got me into trouble bragging this week is the same one that's gotten me into trouble the past 40 years; the same big mouth that loves steak, ice-cream, bread, processed meats, nearly anything sweet and gooey.   The same big mouth that has gorged on nearly anything dipped in flour, fried in hot grease and covered with salt.    The same big mouth that has over-stuffed my body with poison and fat and toxins and chemicals for years; decades.  

So now, I'm being held accountable.  My feet are being held to the proverbial fire.  Everyone's watching me now to see how long before I screw up; before I give up the fight.  

Damn!  What "green" monster have I unleashed?!

Big Mouth Dumb Ass


  1. Gotta tell you how much I love this! You are a wonderful writer and if you don't already, I could see you doing it professionally. Very funny, I like the colorful descriptions and reading this really put a smile on my face. YOU GO GIRL! I am glad you told everyone. Do not be hard on yourself and no matter what remember you are making positive steps to a healthier you. I try to brainwash myself into a mantra, "I am not denying myself, this is finally loving myself enough to care about how it all turns out in the end"
    Good Luck and I look forward to reading the rest of your journey!

  2. That was very funny! I'm going to follow your blog. I started my juice fast today too and going to need some humor to get through this.

  3. You are so very talented. Keep on writing, please. And, keep on juicing. That Mean Green will grow on you until the point you actually crave it. Not possible you say? Well, it happened for me and I suppose it could happen for you too. See you in our May juicing group.

  4. Love it! I also love your references to Genesis as I've decided I have become the "Modern Day Eve" Yes, at times I thought "what am I getting myself in to" but after I experienced the joy that comes from pure, nutrient dense food there is no looking back!

  5. Thanks, Ladies. Knowing folks are enjoying my blog definitely gives me the motivation to continue. And I so appreciate your kind words and the support- ESPECIALLY the support! This juice fasting is DEFINITELY not the easiest thing I've ever done.