Sunday, May 6, 2012

Where I Am

I am on Day Six.  Somehow, it seems more impressive when I spell out the number- six, instead of 6. Getting here wasn't easy, especially in the beginning.

The first day of this journey, I was full of regret, truly.  I wished I hadn't committed to this juicing thing.  I wanted food; real food!  And I kicked my butt all day long because I had publicly told folks I was gonna "do this!"  So I couldn't give in, could I?  Truthfully,  even though I knew I wouldn't starve that day, I was pretty sure I was starving, anyway.  All I could think about was food.  All day long.  ALL DAY LONG.  It didn't help that my headache (they say that's normal with the detox, due to lack of the normal daily dose of caffeine and poisonous toxins) was totally miserable.  And I was tired of it hurting. The fix was so simple- just eat!  And many times, I nearly did.  Bedtime was difficult, at best, as I found myself lying in bed while thoughts of all sorts of my favorite foods danced through my mind.  All I wanted was a pepperoni pizza.  Sleep seemed impossible. I prayed for it to overcome me.

When I awoke the morning of Day Two,  I was so proud-and so amazed- I'd survived Day One.  I had read posts on Facebook from others who were on Day Four or Day Five or even Day Thirty Five, and I was absolutely amazed-  and very envious.  I had only survived one day and I couldn't begin to imagine surviving thirty or forty of them!  One online buddy had even juicefeasted for 120!!   Everyone kept saying to hang in there and that it would get easier.  But I thought they were lying; well, okay, exxagerating, then.  It couldn't possibly be easier. On the evening of Day Two, I told my husband goodnight and went to bed early to try to put myself out of my own misery.  Bedtime was surreal, as again, every type of food I loved just danced in my mind, bright, vivid pictures, one after the other.  That night, it felt as though I was in a fog; in this deep, dark  place I couldn't get out of.    I felt sort of like someone had slipped me a drug and I couldn't shake it.   Again, I prayed for sleep, and struggled to get there.

And then, it was Day Three.  Day Three was nearly my nemesis!  I felt hungry all day. And although my "detox headache" was all but gone, I so missed my creamy, sweet cup of coffee.  I considered again, more than once, giving in.  But I didn't.  I hung in there and even as I prepared my husband's supper, I didn't cave.  I didn't taste.  I didn't nibble.  I didn't even, as I said before, lick my fingers.  An online juicing friend had posted a motivational poster that said something like, "If you're tired of starting over, stop quitting!"  That one line, and the support of my online "Juicy Peeps,"  gave me the strength to continue. And bedtime?  Bedtime was beginning to be my friend, because it marked not only the end of another day, but the pleasure to say, upon awakening, "I'm on the NEXT day!"

Day Four felt a little better, as my headache had disappeared.  Thank goodness!  The day wasn't bad, but that evening, my husband and I were to participate in Relay for Life to raise funds to help with cancer research.  There would be food booths set up all around the track on which we had to walk.  Hotdogs, hamburgers, BBQ chicken, pintos and cornbread, just to mention a few of the temptations. The smell of grilled food filled the air and I got my first, aromatic whiff just as we arrived.  As it turned out, I filled up all day on my water and juice, took some with me to the event and the challenge was minimized because once I arrived there, I realized I was feeling so much better, I had a will of steel and a cooler full of juice and water to get through that night.  I even made quite a few laps on the track and- it felt good.  While others around me feasted on some of my favorite foods, I enjoyed my cold, frosty juice and kept telling myself I was better off because of it.  And I was.

Day Five was pretty awesome.  No more detox symptoms other than my not-so-pleasant-tasting mouth.  That, of course, has been pretty uncomfortable but I've tolerated it because I know it's temporary.  They say it's symptomatic of the detox process.  I didn't do too much; basically lazed most of the day.  I allowed myself time to watch a little TV, which I rarely do during the day.  I just relaxed, wrote my blog, talked a lot with juicefeast friends online.  The day was actually pretty nice, as I realized I felt pretty well and there didn't seem to be any obvious signs of hunger, although I still would kill for a cheeseburger.  I was beginning to realize how often I eat, normally, when I'm not really hungry; I eat because of the pleasure associated with the yummy taste of food.  Day Five, I didn't have to put myself to bed early, though, because with my daily juices and water, I felt completely satiated and content.  Bedtime was peaceful and content and I think I slept better that night than I had in a while, other than the necessity to visit the bathroom several times, which I'm getting used to.

Day Six!!  Today! It sounds so good, I have to say it again:  DAY SIX!!!!  Wow..if anyone had told me a week ago that I'd be celebrating having juicefeasted for six (count 'em!!!) SIX days, I never would've believed them.  Upon awakening, normally, I would anticipate getting to the kitchen and having my coffee.  This morning, I realized, I don't crave my morning coffee and ....I'm fine!  I am feeling pretty darned good with absolutely no detox symptoms, other than the still-unpleasant taste in my mouth.  This is good because from what I've researched on the detox process, my body is still detoxing.  Juicing is easier today.  In fact, I'm enjoying my juices more and more. When I finish a juice, I actually look forward to the next one.  Figuring out what "taste" I would like- that is, what blend of fruits and veggies I'm in the mood for- is somewhat pleasurable.  Can it be that I might learn to love this?

So.....tomorrow is my Day Seven.  It'll be easy.  So easy, in fact, I'm just anxious to get to it- and through it.  I'm reminded of years ago when I quit smoking cigarettes.  Many times through the years, I have looked back on quitting as the easiest-hardest-easiest-hardest thing I've  ever done.  Well, now I feel that way about this juicefeast.  I don't want to give up today, and I won't give up tomorrow because getting through tomorrow means I juicefeasted for an entire week!  And then....

Tuesday morning-  the day I get on the scale to see how much weight I've lost.  This juicefeast helps detox the body and allows it to cleanse and heal itself and  that, of course is the biggest objective.  But losing weight is a HUGE added bonus.  We can't be healed and well if we're overweight.  But, I have refrained from weighing myself the past six days.  Avoiding the scales was difficult- a big challenge to my self-control, but this challenge paled in comparison to the challenge of not eating for days.  If I could avoid food, I could certainly avoid the urge to weigh.  But I wanted to save the surprise for my one-week mark, so I haven't weighed.  I can tell, however, I've lost weight.  Not a huge amount, of course, after just 5-1/2 days, but I can tell.  My jeans aren't quite as tight in the waistline and well, it's hard to explain, but I just feel "lighter."  And my hope is that the number on the scale will help motivate me to continue- on this, My Journey to Genesis.

This- is where I am.

1 comment:

  1. I hope the way you feel is enough motivation to keep you going. For me the scale varies so much due to water weight, I try not to put too much concern on it, unless ofcourse I lost like 20 or more, than that would be something.
    The way your clothes feel, the way you feel, that all means so much. Keep going, proud of you!